Perhaps Feeling A Bit Like Myself Again

24 December 2013
2:19 AM
Manila

M.–

I was home alone today. Everybody left to do some last-minute Christmas shopping. It was the best few hours of my life that I’ve had this month, I think. I slept and recuperated. When I woke up I read for a bit. Had some baked pasta for lunch. I didn’t taste anything but I burned the roof of my mouth anyway, and it still hurts. Went to bed again, wrapped in blankets. Was hoping to get some more rest but my mind was too awake, and I relished feeling lucid for once. Took a bath. A quick one, apparently, because I started getting chills. Tried to see if I can smoke again. Didn’t finish. Moved my computer to the dining room and started to work. Actually got a lot done in two hours. Celebrated with a cookie and leftover breakfast. I tasted some of it. The roof of my mouth still hurts.

When my head started throbbing, I turned the TV on. Watched It’s Complicated. I liked this movie because I like to grow up like Meryl Streep, even if it’s just wishful thinking. She’s perfection. Also, movies by Nancy Myers always have a wonderful set–beautiful houses and scenery. It’s nice to get lost in it and imagine.

Had to pause in the middle because my grandmother came over to look at our Christmas tree, and inspect the renovations. Tut-tutted for a bit because I was sick. Eventually left, and I had to play a bit of hide-and-seek with Sam so she won’t come in the house and track dirty paw prints all over, which I have no energy to clean. Finished the movie just in time for dinner, and everybody started arriving. Ate quick, as I felt another migraine coming on.

Woke up sweaty and feverish and my migraine worse than ever. Stumbled out to find everyone at the table. It’s eleven in the evening and everyone is laughing. My uncle from Ireland is home! Suddenly everyone’s moods have improved and lightened, including mine. You know, I envy people like that–who can make you feel at ease instantly, who can lighten up a room, who can coax a smile you didn’t even know you have. It’s a gift, I think. He held my hands and pressed a few points here and there, and suddenly, my headache is gone. Brilliant.

Sat around and traded stories for awhile. He gave me a bookmark, a flask, a notebook and a pen. Really, what more could I want? I ate a slice of strawberry shortcake. Laughed. Coughed. Laughed again. They opened a bottle of fifteen-year old whiskey, and I had a shot. It warmed my bones. Looked at the clock and saw that it was past one in the morning. Time for everyone to go to bed. I said my goodbyes. I think my parents are going to drive him home. Promises to see one another again tomorrow (later) for noche buena.

It’s been good. Perhaps I am feeling a bit like myself again.

How are you? I haven’t asked you that in a while. I miss you, and I’m sorry I haven’t been more present. I hope you are having a lovely time.

Love,
T.

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