This Silhouette

Stillframe from "The Vow"

Stillframe from “The Vow”

5 December 2013
10:15 pm
Edinburgh

T. —

It’s been a day, but better than yesterday. At least, it’s ending better.

It was a reflective day. No internet this morning again. So I got up, had breakfast, and watched “The Vow” from my hard drive while I worked on a book for one of my friends. Managed to get it into the mail today, as well. Your package is next up to be arranged, and hopefully it will get to you close to Christmas.

The wind was ripping through Scotland this morning. I woke up thinking, I am so glad I can stay inside until this passes. Andrew was not so lucky — had to walk to work through it. I’m sure he was soaked and wind-whipped down to the bone.

In the afternoon, I bundled up and walked down to the grocery store for some clementines. On the way, it started to snow. Just 15-minutes of flurries, but they were surfing on strong winds. And somehow there were also blue skies. It was pretty perfect. I think that was when the day picked up, as if that moment was a hinge on which things were ready to shift.

I, too, was also nourishing myself before I got #GraceAndGratitude Day 5.

Ways in which I nourished myself today:

  • Watched “The Vow” and loved it.
  • Watched “The Vow” a second time immediately, and didn’t feel guilty.
  • Crafted paper-things with my hand and felt like an artist.
  • Ate lots of clementines.
  • Had tomato soup and a grilled cheese for lunch.
  • Cups of tea.
  • Bundled the electric blanket around me while I sat at my desk working.
  • Took a shower, washed my hair, and spent time blowing it dry and straightening it, which I normally do not. Normally, I throw it up into a bun or just let it do what it will with itself.
  • Spent 40 minutes browsing around in a bookstore on the walk over to rehearsal.
  • Gave myself a glass of wine with dinner (just finishing it off now).
  • Some reading before bed, a hot water bottle, and sleep.

Feeling much better. Sometimes those days just have to happen, I think. Better to get it all over with at once.

I’d love to tell you more about what I loved about “The Vow”, but I don’t know if you’ve seen it, and I don’t want to ruin it. Half the movie is very cliche RomCom, but the second half of the movie makes up for it. It’s deeper, has more colors and subtleties to it. It’s really heart-wrenching in a beautiful way.

This stillframe from the movie is part of why I love Rachel McAdams, and part of why I was okay with her playing Clare in TTTW. I didn’t like Eric Banna playing Henry, but Rachel is a good Clare. And she’s actually almost an even better Clare in “The Vow”: an artist, a sculptor, a person who is wholehearted and trying to navigate her way through some tough spaces. I like this scene because I like this moment, this silhouette, this coming face-to-face with the fruit of her labor, when she doesn’t even know the part of herself that created it. This simultaneous awe and defeat has been too familiar. But I also like to think there is something deeper underneath all of it: the core threads of a recognition, the affirmation This is who I am, even though it is not always me. This came from my hands and this speaks to my spirit.

New music today also lifted me up.

Goodnight,
M

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3 thoughts on “This Silhouette

  1. Thank you for the new music. I liked it. I haven’t watched The Vow but would put it on my list because of your recommendation. I also haven’t even dared to watch the adaptation of TTTW.

    T.

  2. Pingback: Old Me vs New Me | Awake & Asleep

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