Good Night, July

31 July 2013
11:06 PM
Manila

M.–

1.
It’s been quite a rough patch for a couple of weeks now. I think I’m in deep trouble, life-wise. I don’t know–I just can’t seem to get it right still. I want to be able to get past this, and nevermind the bruising. I know that it’s unrealistic to get out unscathed. That’s fine, as long as I get out, you know? But–it’s wave after wave after wave.

2.
Received a letter today from the bank, which is a letter I do not want to get. I skimmed through it. I think tomorrow the words will hit me with me a vengeance.

3.
The thing is–I used to be sad a lot. These days, that is still true. Although–I think I am angry a lot, too.

No, I think I am angry all the time now. At nothing. At everything. At the little things.

4.
Received a letter from someone a few weeks back. It is a letter I want to get. I read it over and over, and then I put it aside. I said, later. Later there is time to write. But there never is time. And I think about how horrible a friend I am. (Have I been that way to you? I’m sorry.)

5.
I want to say, Be kind to me, August; Be kind to me, Universe. But I know it doesn’t work that way.

6.
Tomorrow: beginning again.

Goodnight,
T.

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One thought on “Good Night, July

  1. It works this way: the waves keep coming, but you can swim. Or float. Or ride. Or surf. If nothing else, stand behind a window and watch the waves. Take some distance from them until you can approach them again.

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