New Thoughts

Green Room's Production, 2013

Green Room’s Production, 2013

7(8) June 2013
12:27 am
Edinburgh

T.–

This is the trouble with late night posts: I don’t know what day to classify them under. Even though I shouldn’t be one to talk since I still feel the urge to write 2012. I can’t believe we’re already halfway through this year. Crazy.

Opening night of the show tonight. I’m so exhausted that my fingers keep typing things in the wrong order. Also, the cat is distracting me: she only drinks water out of the plastic container in the bedroom. She won’t drink out of the water right next to her own food bowl in the kitchen. It makes me think of the habits we all create, the superstitions, the traditions, the stories.

This is the part in all of the actor/actress biographies I’ve read where I don’t want to hear the stories that start: “In 1964, the Spring was taken up by acting on Project X with Director so-and-so, who she knew from that time before…” I am bored by details of who was there, or what you did, or how it all came together. I think this is why I love reading letters so much, whether it’s personal or famous correspondences: I want to know what you thought, how you felt, how you perceived the world, and what crossed your mind. Tonight: a lot happened. But even more important, the internal perceptions. The dichotomy of effort vs. perceived effect. The connection between new friendships that are deepening and evolving. How awareness bubbles up, and how it thins out: how it is possible to both be in the show and out of the show, almost at the same time, because it is new, and we are nervous, and hyper-aware of all of our movements.

Andrew and I had a conversation tonight about manners of motherhood. More specifically, he asked whether I was going to be the crazy raging pregnant lady. I said, no: I would rather be the calm and centered mother-in-progress. Like tomorrow: a day of relaxing, reflecting, preparing before the chaos and high-energy of the show again tomorrow night. I am completely exhausted right now. I was almost exhausted before we started the show tonight.  This whole preservation of energy thing, balancing effort with effect? It’s genius.

Goodnight,
M.

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