Eating Grapes at 3AM

Er, I woke up hungry

Er, I woke up hungry

After our chat last night I fell asleep. Didn’t wake up til past one in the morning. Some thoughts while lying in bed, eating grapes:

  • There are some things I only realise and identify as mistakes after I’ve made them.
  • My fascination with time travel is in line with my belief in past lives. Also parallel universes.
  • Today is Ella Fitzgerald’s birthday. Listen to her sing Someone to Watch Over Me.
  • What I said to you earlier still echoes: living here, living in a third-world country, where corruption is a way of life—it limits most things: perspectives, opportunities, etc. There is a struggle to rise above it all, but the problem is one always feels like no matter how much work you put into things, there’s still a ceiling there, and the sinking suspicion that maybe you will never get out. The older I get the smaller the world seems. So I’m glad I have friends like you who make me realise that there is so much more out there.

Also, about ghosts:

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

“The past is never where you think you left it.”
― Katherine Anne Porter

“When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“She needs a new journal. The one she has is problematic. To get to the present, she needs to page through the past, and when she does, she remembers things, and her new journal entries become, for the most part, reactions to the days she regrets, wants to correct, rewrite.”
― Dave Eggers, How the Water Feels to the Fishes

“Now I know what a ghost is. Unfinished business, that’s what.”
― Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

We’ll work through it.

Good morning, M.


P.S. I liked The Perks of Being A Wallflower, though I’m sure it would’ve made a much deeper impact on me had I come upon it earlier in my life. I read it when I was already in college, so my feelings were more of nostalgia for what once was. There was a sense, while reading about Charlie’s angst and pain, that it would have been useful to have this book when I was in my early teens. It could have been a potential lifesaver, because Charlie represents most of us at a young age: ill-equipped to handle problems, especially adult problems. Also, personally: the psychology behind being a wallflower was important to me, because I am one.

Nevertheless, there are some things that are still true, after all these years, such as: that one can both be happy and sad at the same time, and that we accept the love we think we deserve.

P.P.S. I stayed away from the movie version. I plan on still staying away from it. But: is it any good?

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One thought on “Eating Grapes at 3AM

  1. Grape stems are Bloom’s new favorite toy, because they are light enough to skitter, but heavy enough to bounce across our wooden floors. Plus, she can pick them up in her mouth and bring them back. It reminds me of a dog with a stick. But I think she also thinks it’s like an alien spider. I thought of all of this and laughed when I saw your picture today. This cat is pure comic relief.

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